I don’t break hearts. No. I DESTROY THEM. I’m the Death Star of break-ups.
Oh crap. It’s Wednesday afternoon, and I’ve already got Friday brain.
I’m here. Always have been. Lurking. Like a ninja, just without the deadly tools of trade. I’ll cut you with my words, though.
I’m so lucky to have disciples like you— FRIENDS, friends like you.
I am the lord of all pirates! I’ve got the treasure map to find ALL treasure maps. Beat that, suckers!
I AM the third-person omniscient. I know everything.
Stop looking at me. You’re interfering with my imagination.
I’ll have you, Blackbeard. And then I’ll have your beard. Mmmm, I love stealing beards. Be the Pirate Beard of the Bearded Sea. Arrrgggh. And all of you follicly-challenged people can be on MY crew. And everyone with beards will quake with fear!
Don’t judge me by the friends I keep. No, no, no. Judge me by the enemies I have slain!
That’s it. I’m going to have to call an intervention on your stupidness. I think it will take the form of a brick.
That’s the difference between you and me. Your heart is filled with hate, and mine is filled with kittens. Mmmm, kittens. Meow.